3/4/08: This is a hauntingly beautiful melody and the imagery in the lyrics (found here) is absolutely gorgeous. Fitting that I was able to pair it with my favorite scene in the entire show which is, of course, angsty and haunting in its own way. I recommend trying to find the song and listen to it if you can. ^_^
9. Akai Suna, Shiroi Hana [Red Sand, White Flower] -- Arai Akino
~I am not gonna feel that way about anyone anymore! I am not gonna love anyone anymore. I can’t... I can’t. Please... It’s too hard. It’s too hard, and it hurts too much. So I don’t want to love anyone, and I don’t want anyone to love me.~
Hearing Bailey say those words -- those damning, damning words -- it nearly destroyed him. This was what had been going through Bailey’s mind since Jill’s death? How had this been going on without him noticing? He’d seen the shock, he’d seen the withdrawal, but he hadn’t even begun to suspect that this was what Bailey was hiding under his apathy.
It wasn’t fair. Of them all, in many ways, Bailey had suffered the most through this entire ordeal. He’d taken on responsibility for their family when even Charlie wasn’t ready. And just when he’d finally started to trust enough to let go and try to be sixteen again... this was the result. It was a small wonder that they hadn’t lost him over this. Although, in all honesty, if Charlie couldn’t pull him back from this precipice, they still could lose him.
And for his gentle, caring, overly generous little brother to end up isolated and alone, unable and unwilling to reach out to any of his loved ones for fear that he would lose them... that was a travesty that he would not allow. They loved him too much and they needed him too much. Without Bailey, this life that they were all finally building for themselves would fall apart.
Charlie stepped closer to his brother as that outpouring of words finally stopped. Ignoring the knife that stabbed him through the heart with each desperate plea that Bailey uttered from him not to come any closer, he crowded in, not allowing him any chance to escape. Pulling Bailey gently but inexorably into an embrace he answered his torrent of pain with a simple truth...
“Well, that’s too bad. You don’t have a choice. Because I love you, Bay. I love you.”
Bailey resisted his embrace for several long moments before finally wilting against him and starting to weep, voice choking on one last plea, “Charlie...”
Charlie answered it like he had all the other protests. He tightened his arms and repeated himself, “I love you.” And then silently he vowed to himself that if he had to stand here for a year repeating that phrase, if he had to shelter Bailey with his own arms forever, then that was what he would do. Anything he had to do to keep his brother safe and happy. Because he’d already suffered enough and Charlie would be truly damned if he let it happen again.