Written 1/27/05, Posted 9/3/08: It's been a while since I've ficced... and I didn't sleep at all last night, so forgive me if this is incoherent. In an attempt to get myself kick-started, the peanut gallery proudly presents, a 15 minute ficlet, brought to you by the letter 'G' and the number '91'.
For all those unfamiliar, this would be a "Gundam SEED" ficlet. If you've seen it, you'll know who's POV this is. If you haven't, it won't make any sense anyway, so don't fret your little head over it. ^_^ Enjoy!
A stranger in a strange land. An alien at my mother's breast. An outsider among my closest friends. I've always felt this way, as though I don't belong.
I am faster. I am stronger. I am smarter. I don't really fit in. My friends pretend they don't notice. They pretend that I'm just particularly gifted, a child of fortunate genetics. But surely they know the truth. No Natural, however gifted, could be capable of the things of which I am capable. They know it. They just like to pretend otherwise. And if the truth were ever to "come out" I'm sure that they would act as surprised as all the others. But I know that it would be a lie, a way to protect themselves for the title of "collaborator" and nothing more.
Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to fit in among them. I never will. I know it. They know it, too. But still... Perhaps the root of the problem is quite simply that I, also, like to pretend. I like to pretend that I am just like them... that I belong. It's been so long since I've felt that way -- that cherished feeling of being "Like"... of not being "Other". Never among my friends. Never at my mother's side. Never in Orb. Only once did I ever feel like I belonged. On the Moon... with Athrun.
Only now, I don't belong with him either. I belong to this great beast... this Gundam. X105 Strike. My other half. My partner. An extension of my Self. An ear that hears only my voice, because only I speak his language. Only I understand his loneliness. But at least we have each other, together in this brave new world. At least I have a purpose, if nothing else.
And yet still... I can't help hoping that someday we'll both have a place to belong, and others to belong to. Perhaps that's selfish, perhaps another lie. But still... It will be a pleasant illusion while it lasts... ne?
Questions, comments, concerns, Happy Bunnies?